Crazy cat lady

Oh. My. God.

I am officially a crazy cat lady.

No REALLY. I'm not just saying this to get a laugh. If I don't find a man--and a job--soon, I will be wearing a housecoat by the beginning of next week. I'm convinced. Like one of those fucking mumus you find in the plus size pajama section of Wal-Mart.

As indicated in the last posting, I have officially moved into my condo. Now, I really like kitties--always have, even before I became a crazy cat lady and I actually had boyfriends and went out on dates and such. So, I adopted two cats from the local shelter. And they are great--pains in the ass at times, but great. Right now, I am on the sofa, typing this e-mail, and they are both sleeping at my feet. Fortunately, I am in normal pajamas, but still.

I haven't had a boyfriend in a few months. This isn't because I don't WANT one, but I think that somehow, men sense that I have become a crazy cat lady and they instantly run in the opposite direction. I have asked my friends if I smell like cat pee or something, but they insist I do not. I think they are just trying to be nice because they are starting to feel sorry for me.

Case in point? Allow me to copy and paste an Instant Message conversation held between my friend Ryan and me:

ME: my cat was just here chasing his tail. he got it and bit it and yelped.

RYAN: Welcome to your new life.

ME: ain't the brightest bulb

ME: yeah. my life is officially pathetic. i better get a man and a job soon

RYAN: You're having a bit of a lull.

RYAN: A quiet time.

RYAN: See it for the good it brings. In your case.

RYAN: You're not dating anyone wearing flannel...today.

ME: You're not making me feel better about this.

RYAN: I'm trying not to patronize.

Now, if that wasn't bad enough, I am apparently in a less-than-tolerant mood this evening, and I caught myself grabbing the Swiffer sweeper and banging the ceiling whilst screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" at the minotaurs actually having a life above me.

Wow.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have myself a bottle or two of wine and a good cry. I wonder if Wal-Mart sells housecoats online...or maybe I'll put one on my Amazon wishlist. If anyone is looking for a Christmas idea...