I'll fit back into that bikini in no time!

So, I've been doing some research on some easy ways to lose a few pounds. I know I'm not fat by any means and I'm not looking to lose much. Just a few pounds. I know it's vain. I know it's because I look at thousands of advertisements each year and see ridiculously skinny models and something in my brain goes off and says, "Karen, for the love of Pete, you NEED to look like that." I know that society places too much of a focus on weight.

But I don't give a fuck. I want to be a size 3/4 again. I realize that I was Auchwitz-material when I was a size 00 only 4 years ago and I don't want to go back to that. But when your own parents start saying, "Wow...when did you get an ass?", something needs to be done.

They should talk, though.

I've been going to the gym somewhat regularly, yes. Not as regularly as I should, but still--enough to where I should be seeing some results. It's my damn appetite, though. It's seriously out of control. I eat almost constantly.

I'm pretty sure I'm eating mostly out of boredom, though. I stuff my face every half-hour while sitting at my desk at work and I'm usually bored there to some degree. On weekends, however, I don't eat nearly as much. Typically one larger meal and a snack.

So, logically, the key to losing a few pounds is to find someway to kill my instatiable appetite.

I don't want to take any of those infamous diet pills with Ephedra in them and all. Slimquick, Farenheit--no thanks. I don't want to die, thanks.

And if you read the post below, I refuse to go on the Nutrisystem diet for fear I will become dependent on Easy-bake oven meals and will grow a penis. I like penises well enough, but I don't want one, thanks.

But being less bored at work isn't exactly an option, either. We're ALL bored here.

So, I'm doing my research and come across something called Hoodia. I'm reading about it and it says that Africans have been using it for centuries (here I am thinking they were so skinny because of famine or something; how silly of me!). Supposedly, men go on several-month-long hunting trips and take this herb/plant to suppress their appetite so they can cross gigantic deserts and savannas without eating.

I call my doctor and ask if it's safe. I take a few prescriptions so I don't want to have a massive coronary or have my brain explode because something didn't mix well. He said he honestly didn't know much about it, but based on what he DID know, it seemed okay enough.

So, I've been taking Hoodia for a couple of weeks now. Almost immediately, I noticed my appetite wasn't nearly what it was.

But in the past week or so, I've also noticed something else.

Everything I DO eat tastes like shit.

No, really. Not that I've eaten shit (to my knowledge), but you know what I mean. Foods I used to love are now repulsive to me. The only thing that still tastes good is fruit. So, for lunch I much on apples and mangoes and grapes and drink orange juice like it's my job. I basically just eat smaller quantities of other things to mix it up a little and avoid the runs.

God, I love hoodia.