I forgive you.

So, I realized that a week or so went by and I never once thought of you.

We spent many months together and then you decided to break my heart, so I had to go. And yet, I still thought of you. Maybe I still loved you--I don't know. If I did love you, I sure as hell don't know why.

I told my friends that I was a fool for ever loving you to begin with. They knew we weren't right together. It took me several months to realize that, too. Perhaps I just wanted someone to love me after that hellish relationship I had had before you. How desperate of me, right?

And despite my telling my friends what I fool I was for loving you, I still did. And I still thought of you. I thought of you all the time.

I was willing to give up so much for you. I was willing to change so many elements of my life so that you could be happy and so that you could persue your dreams. I threw out any hope of being able to continue with my own aspirations, with my own future. I was understanding of your many shortcomings; when you asked me to help you overcome some of them/aspects of them, I was always there for you. But none of that mattered. You wanted more. You always wanted more without being willing to sacrifice anything. I now realize that that was, or still is, just your nature.

I knew you still loved her while we were together. I always had that inkling. Long after we broke up, I heard that you still weren't over her. This confirmed that despite your telling me all those months how much you loved me, you loved only her the entire time. I now realize that telling the truth just wasn't/still isn't in you.

I still loved you after we parted ways, yet I hated you, too. I absolutely loathed you for such a very long time.

But I now realize, after an entire week+ of not thinking of you at all, how much hating you was hurting me.

And now, I suddenly no longer hate you. Yep--just like that.

During our relationship, you had no capability of telling me the truth, of being willing to sacrifice anything for me, of being able to love me and only me. Our so-called relationship was all lies.

I was disgusted with myself for how I was willing to do so much for you and get nothing in return. I hated myself for it and I hated you for so long.

But now--now...I have forgiven myself and I forgive you.

I have moved on with my life. I have done so much for ME so that I can be healthier. And I have learned so much. I have learned, most importantly, that I should no longer love boys, but men. Men--true MEN, tell the truth about the important things in life. When a true man says he loves a girl, he loves only her. True men are willing to sacrifice things for the women they love. They are not selfish, not inconsiderate. And I actually feel sorry for you because you have yet to understand this.

So, without any sharp sarcasm, I wish you luck. I hope someday you realize what it takes to be a real man. I am no longer angry with you or with myself for ever loving you. I will now view the stage of my life that I spent with you as merely a silly error of judgement and I will chuckle at what a fool I was.

I forgive you. And I hope that someday, when you realize what a fool you were for letting go of a girl who treated you like gold and loved you with all of her heart, you can forgive yourself.