Merry Christmas!

Because I don't update this thing as often as I should and because I know I'm going to be particularly busy in the next few days, I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannaukah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Festivus and a happy whatever-the-fuck-else-you celebrate.

Love you all! Muah!

~Karen the Great

Sense and sensibility.

I feel as if nothing is left here for me anymore.

Shit, that sounded enormously depressing. I didn't mean that. Allow me to rephrase.

I feel as if nothing is left for me in this AREA anymore. I have thought about moving and living elsewhere off and on for several months, but something keeps me from doing it. Fear perhaps?

This sounds weird, but I feel empty here lately. Almost as if I'm bored all the time. I mean, most of my friends are here and I try to spend as much time with them as possible, but it seems as if most of them are so busy over the past year or two with their lives that we don't spend time together like we used to. It's gotten to the point where I see people every few months that I used to see every week--and they only live a short distance away. I'm not angry about this at all...and it's not meant to be some weird guilt trip or anything like that. Not one bit. I just feel as if maybe they've moved on with their lives and now it's time for me to do that, too.

But something keeps me here. I love New England (most of the time). I know the area well. I know people here. I think I'm afraid to just go someplace random and start a new life amongst surroundings and people I do not know. New England is safe, you see. It's familiar. And I'm obviously very afraid of the unfamiliar.

I wish so badly that I could be one of those brave souls who doesn't worry about everyday things as much as I do. My father has instilled in me how important it is to buy a place (near him, of course) instead of renting (by renting, "you're throwing your money away!" says he). He's taught me how important it is to find a good job with good health benefits and to start a 401k plan right away and save every last penny. He's taught me to drive a car into the ground instead of throwing away money on something I don't really need. He's taught me how to be sensible.

But more and more of me is telling myself to do something completely lacking in sense and just move to London to work as a waitress and live in some shitty flat with 7 roommates.

I'm a coward, though...and won't do it. As much as it seems like there's little left for me here, I won't leave. And I'm fucking ashamed of myself for it.

And I'm a little fucking mad at my Dad for not promoting an adventuresome spirit.

Sipping vodka...

An oldie, but goody. Sick indeed, but I'm Catholic so I can make fun of priests.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied,When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Getting drunk with your co-workers...

You know what's fun?

Getting drunk with your co-workers.

Yeah, it's a good time.

Yesterday, the five of us went into the city to have our annual booze-fest...ahem, holiday party. I thought it would be awkward having drinks and food with my co-workers because it's been kind of lame in previous years.

Not this year. You know why? We all got absolutely loaded.

We stopped at my boss' favorite bar in downtown crossing for a couple of cocktails, which was enough to get me pretty happy. But to top it all off, we then went to the North End to pick up some kinda-crappy Italian grub and shitty chianti. Keep in mind, I'm not a fan of most red wine varieties and I probably like chianti the least. However, everyone else wanted it, so we ordered three bottles of it to be split between us. Yeah, $250 later...

One of my co-workers was slurring her words, one mentioned how he thought this ugly guy on base and my Mom had an affair and I am their "love child" (WTF?), one was extremely huggy, I was absolutely toasted, and my boss just kicked back and laughed at it all. He made us then walk an extremely long distance so we'd be sober enough to get on the right train and fortunately, he was at my stop so he made sure I was OK. After driving for a minute and discovering that I was not quite sober yet, I drove to the nearest parking lot (Medford Kohl's) and napped in my car for a half-hour to make sure I wasn't a complete mess.

All in all, an excellent time. We need to celebrate every holiday like that.

Politics.

I am so sick and tired of politics.

I don't know why this has crossed my mind today, at this particular point in time, but I am so disgusted with the way of this country in terms of its political ideologies that I am thisclose to giving up on the notion of politics altogether.

I am not a fan of George Bush, despite being a registered Republican. However, I did vote for him in both elections. You know why? Because the other options sucked even more ass than George does. By far. I typically agree less with many so-called "liberal" agendas than I do with "conservative" ones. But that is beside the point.

My point is as follows: when did people stop making sense? I listen to these politicians go on and on, making bullshit promises that they have no intention of keeping because they either don't have the funding for or the power to execute these pledges to their communities.

This is an inclusive statement towards Republicans and Democrats alike. I believe too many people have been too dissatisfied with the state of the union and of the world under both parties. Morally, I found Bill Clinton to be a disgraceful individual and I certainly didn't agree with many of his political policies. As for George Bush, I believe the man thinks he's doing the right thing with regard to the war in the Middle East, yet I believe he's become so focused on it that he has refused to even listen to other people offering advice on how to better go about the situation. As a result of the war, he has neglected our own country in too many ways.

(As a side note, I am one of the few people out there who feels the war is justified and valid and that the media focuses solely on the bad rather than all the good that is coming about over there. I work for the military and know many folks who have been over there and have said that the vast majority of Afghan and Iraqi people extremely grateful to their American "liberators." I've heard of many successes that have come about as a result of this conflict. However, I do think that there are considerably better ways to go about this situation and that Mr. Bush has made numerous mistakes in it. But this is another ballgame altogether).

I became sidetracked. My apologies.

When did it become permissible to vote for the "lesser of two evils?" I am disgusted at myself because I am guilty of doing so. I typically would never endorse a person or thing if I didn't hold it in high esteem. Why don't I do the same with voting for the president of the Free World, or the governor of the fair state of New Hampshire?

The options continuously suck, perhaps because of the moral decline of America, where we feel that lying and cheating the system are permittable in certain instances. Or perhaps they continuously suck because people are becoming more lazy and less educated on what we SHOULD be getting in a decent politician ("decent politician"...nearly impossible to find in our society). I don't know for sure.

I was a political science major for two years in college, before I decided to switch my second major over to philosophy. The reason I switched? I was still interested in the political process/terminology, but gradually became less concerned with becoming involved with a field where many participants (politcians) have become so disinclined to tell the truth and do the right thing.

The last paragraph was not intended to insult anyone who enjoys/studies the field; quite the contrary, as a matter of fact. I am hoping that Generation Y will be more concerned with the welfare of this nation and of the world to actually make a significant difference in it. I am hoping that one day, our generation and future generations will introduce ethical, common-sense policians as the new norm. I commend you for sticking with a particular field of study that you hope to change for the better. I wish I could have done the same.

I, however, have given up on politics for the most part. I have given up, at least for now, the notion that decent politicians are out there. Well, I'm sure there are some, but they consist of such a minority that they fail to really be heard.

I have friends who would love to discuss politics with me and are truly interested in the field. I wish wholeheartedly that I could stay I'm still interested in it, too. However, I've become so frustrated with scummy senators who cheat us regular folks just to get an extra buck. I've become so disenchanted with presidents, who should be morally upright individuals, getting their dicks sucked in the oval office while their wives are in the other room. I've become so reluctant to trust people who refuse to listen to a voice of reason in some lame attempt to prove they're right when they're so obviously wrong. And when I discuss politics with folks, I can't seem to help but think of all those politicians who have led me to become so enraged with modern politics as it is right now.

I truly am sorry I can't talk much with y'all about it on a more regular basis. But until politicians become less greedy, use more common-sense, and treat people with decency, I don't see my mind changing anytime soon.

December.

The month of December is the most hectic month of the year for most folks, myself included. Except work-wise. December is the most boring time of year for my office. There's really not a whole lot to write about because the other divisions and offices aren't really working on anything WORTH writing about. So, we all sit here, usually bored out of our minds, despite the fact that there's actually plenty of filing and other mindless shit to do.

We don't do the other mindless shit because we have no motivation to do so. I've been arriving late for work everyday for the past two weeks because I just don't care. And my boss doesn't care, either. We're all just looking forward to all the holiday parties and food that we have given up on work almost entirely. This mentality will probably continue until about mid-January when we finally realize we need to get our sorry asses in gear once again, for fear of being yelled at or fired.

I am terrified at and disgusted with the thought of all the baking I need to do. I hand out my famous cookies to everyone and their brother-in-law on Christmas, and it's a nightmare making a half dozen batches each of chocolate chip cookies and chocolate peanut butter balls. Truly. I mean, I love to bake. But it admittedly gets out of hand. I don't know why I do it each year, but for some reason, I feel a strange obligation to my loyal cookie fans. Fortunately, this Sunday, I'm taking care of a lot of it at Laurie's house...so hanging out with her will at least make it more enjoyable.

I still have a little more shopping to do, namely for my Dad and for a couple of friends. The friends shouldn't be too hard; I just need to get out there and buy the stuff. My Dad is the most difficult person to shop for, really. He's a middle-aged, retired man, with plenty of money. He buys everything he needs and is a guy so he doesn't need much; the man literally shops at K-Mart for 75% of his clothing. He has NO hobbies. Really. No model airplanes, no building birdhouses, no obsession with computers. Nothing. He sits on his ass and watches TV most of the time, when he's not up north picking out countertops for the new cabin. I'd buy him booze, but he doesn't even drink much!

Because he sits on his ass and watches TV most of the time, a couple of Christmases ago I bought him a DVD box set. My father loves anything war-related, so I bought him the $70 Band of Brothers DVDs. I was so fucking proud of myself--you have no idea. I thought I had found the PERFECT gift.

Two years later, it's still in the cellophane wrapping. I'm bullshit.

So this year, I've so far managed to get him a Ralph Lauren shirt, a Sears gift card, and yet another DVD that he probably won't watch. I still need to figure out something else...maybe a gift certificate to a German restaurant or something. He loves German food.

My Mom's almost as difficult to shop for, but she at least gave me some hints, so fortunately, she's all set.

My Mom is bringing home a kitten this Saturday. It's a 6-month-old lil one she's had her eye on for quite some time now. He's really quite cute, with unusual markings: long black and white fur with a raccoon-like-markings tail. If I get a minute or two of ambition, I'll post some photos of him soon. It'll be nice to have a pet in the house once again, since my last kitty died this past Valentine's Day (Valentine's Day has never been all that happy of a day for me, as I am usually single and quite depressed because of it, but because my beloved Mitty died on that day, I now loathe it even more).

Tomorrow, I'm taking the majority of the day off to go shopping with Monica (again)--this time to the city. It should be nice and the weather is supposed to be warm. Saturday night I'm heading into Boston again to have dinner with my friend and former music teacher, Rosanna. We don't see each other as often as I'd like, so I'm glad ot have the opportunity to hang out with her. We're going to a Tapas Bar on Newbury Street named Tapeo. I've been there a few times before and they have the best Sangria ever, so you can mark my words I won't be drivin' THAT night! :)

OK, all...that's all I have for now! Have a lovely weekend!

If Santa was a sarcastic asshole...

Ryan sent this to me and it made me laugh. Hard. So, I'm posting it for all of you to see and consequently laugh at, mainly because I'm too lazy to come up with anything funnier.

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa



deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa



Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa



Dear Santa,
I don't know if you
can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those.
Santa



Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa



Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas
bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
Long Dong Claus



Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa



Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky


Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

I've got pizza and writing on the mind...

I am so fucking hungry. I'm so hungry now that I'm kind of dizzy. You'd think the enormous bison burger I had last night would have lasted a bit longer, but alas, it did not. My hoodia has failed me today, folks. I could eat an entire large pizza right now. From Pizza Hut. Mmmmmmm...

Weekend was good, yet low-key. I've found that as I get older (not that I'm old, mind you...despite the white hairs), I like low-key weekends. I went shopping with Monica, my co-worker, on Friday night and got a coat for myself. Merry Christmas to ME, bitches. Saturday I did absolutely nothing but go to Mass and Christmas Tree Shops, and Sunday I traveled to Rhode Island to meet up with Val and DJ, make a new friend, Cal, and eat bison and drink tasty martinis.

I'm in one of my I'm-disgusted-with-life-again moods. Just kinda blah. I'm sure I probably need meds. Or sex. Either will do just as well, I'm sure (kidding).

Despite hardly being a literary genius, I have been thinking about writing a book. Not seriously thinking about it, just thinking. I write nothing but boring Air Force program articles with zero room for any creativity, so I feel I need to be creative somehow. And quite often, I have enough time on my hands at work to be working on something completely unrelated to the Air Force.

I have no idea what this book would be about, all I know is that I aim to write it somewhat similiar to the style of Augusten Burroughs, my favorite author. If you are not familiar with the works of Mr. Burroughs, I strongly encourage you to become familiar with them (particularly his novel, Magical Thinking--so funny). The goal of his books is to tell various "scenes" of his life story and to make people laugh while doing it. I want to do that. However, I feel that in 24 years, I don't exactly have enough life story tidbits to compose a novel.

Well, my life is pretty strange and actually quite sitcom-ish, so perhaps I do.

I dunno, though...it's a somewhat ridiculous thought (me, writing a book! WHA?) and I'm sure I'll find some way to snap myself out of such an insane idea.

The good news is that while I kinda hate my job, my contract was extended until May/June (for sure, this time) and fortunately, I'll have a job and plenty of time to find something new...I'm actually quite grateful that I'll be employed during the holidays.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

It's been kind of a boring week here at work so far. I mean, the jackhammering's gone and so I've actually accomplished some work, but it's lame-ass administrative crap that's been dumped on me because other people refuse to do it. Just kidding. It's actually part of my job description. I don't mind it, though...I only have to devote a few days per month to it, so it's not that bad.

I also did some online shopping. Online shopping kind of kills me a little bit inside because I know that if I shopped around a little more, I could end up spending less. Not that the prices on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com are BAD per se, I'm just into finding the best deal possible for the same product. That way, I can spend what I intended to spend and then go and buy more for the person I'm shopping for.

But this year, for some reason, whenever I go out shopping for something I'd like in particular, the store is out of stock. So, I've had it. At this point, I'd rather pay a little more for the lack of aggravation.

I used to love shopping. Now? Eh. Not so much.

So, I forgot to take my Hoodia today and as a result, I'd eating everything in sight. But you know what tasted ESPECIALLY good today? The Klondike bars I took, for me and the remainder of the office, from the asswipe General's freezer. My bosses got a good laugh out of that one.

As did I.

Ugh...jackhammering...

G'day all!

Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I don't know about you guys, but mine was far too short.

And now I'm listening to the constant jackhammering behind the my office wall from the contruction. Again. Oh. My. God. It is impossible to get any sort of work done.

Heard back from that job that I was so excited about. Yeah, not so excited anymore. She refuses to discuss even the range of pay with me unless it's face to face (for negotiation purposes, I presume?), the health benefits suck and are expensive (they pay 60%, I pay 40%, which amounts to $177.40 per month), they offer NO retirement plan, and to make matters worse, they tell me they'd like to hire me but they want me to work as a full-time contractor for a month or two so that they can "try me out."

I mean this as respectfully as possible, but, fuck you, bitches. I know what the hell I'm doing in PR, unlike that last girl you told me about who had no experience in the field. You have the nerve to tell me you want to "try me out" (for less pay, no benefits and a lesser guarantee of permanent hire) and not take any risk whatsoever in agreeing to hire me full-time? Yet, you expect for ME to take a huge risk on YOU by quitting my full-time job with decent and inexpensive health benefits and a 401k plan? I know, for sure now, that I have this job until May 31, 2007--and perhaps even later. There's no way I'm leaving it now for something with less of a guarantee for full-time exployment. And then you refuse to even tell me what kind of money I'll be making?

Bite me.

As much as I loathe this place, I'll stick with the evil I know, thank you.

Other than that, nothing new whatsoever. T'was a relatively low-key weekend. I was tired on Friday, so I stayed in that night and colored my hair (see the below post for more info) and watched shitty movies on TV. I apparently did a pretty shitty job because I still see a white hair or two. However, I'm trying to save money by paying $6.99 at Brooks versus $80 at the hairdresser, so I'm sticking with just having her do the cuts for now.

Saturday, Laurie, Elysia and I went shopping all damn day. It was one of the longest days of shopping I've ever had, and the mall was crowded, so we were all pretty miserable after about the third hour. And to make matters worse, I didn't even end up getting much of anything for other people.

So, I'm ordering everything online today here at work because it's not as if I can actually FOCUS on anything productive with this incessant jackhammering.

Sunday, I hung out with Jeff in the evening and played Scrabble. I don't want to talk about it because he actually won a game.

I'm not really mad or a sore loser...I just like pretending I'm one. :)

Have a good (and hopefully more peaceful than mine) day.

White hair.

White hair makes me sick.

I should clarify.

White hair on OTHER people doesn't make me sick.

White hair on ME, at age 24, makes me want to throw up.

I started noticing a white hair here and there in my senior year of high school. I'd pull it out, sigh a little, and press on.

But now it's out of control. There's too many to pull. I'm starting to notice them on a regular basis now. It's not as if my whole head is covered in them by any means, but I shouldn't have ANY at my age. It's just not right.

And it makes me sad.

People will be super nice when I ask if they notice them. They insist that they don't. It would almost be convincing if white wasn't such a drastic contrast to very-dark-brown. But I'm afraid I'm just not that colorblind and I don't think everyone else is, either.

My hair stylist notices them, but is at least kind enough to call them "highlights." Bless her heart.

I've been coloring my hair for years now because I wanted to. Now, I realize I must color it now because I have to. Sigh.